Why should you know Eric Byrnes?

     I imagine right now you are either wondering who Eric Byrnes is, or you know who he is and are having a difficult time understanding why anyone is writing an article on a predominantly baseball related site about a guy who hasn't played baseball in years. All I can say is that by the time you finish this article, not only will you remember him, but you might actually become a fan of his. I know I am.

     He played in the MLB for 11 years. He played longest in Oakland, shortest in Colorado, worst in Baltimore, best in Arizona and strangest in Seattle. In 2005 he was dismissed by Baltimore who questioned his ability to be an effective player on an everyday basis.

In 2006, with a chip on his shoulder he hit 26 homeruns and stole 25 bases. Proving he wasn't a fluke, he followed that up with 21 homeruns and 50 steals in 2007, becoming one of only 11 people, in the history of major league baseball to have 20 home runs and 50 steals in the same season.

      In May of 2005 while playing for the Oakland Athletics, Eric Byrnes forced MLB to rewrite the rule book. He did this simply by doing something that no one had done before, much the same way Sean Avery forced the NHL to create a rule against waving a stick in front of the opposing team's goalie...still a favorite of mine. During the game a brave fan saw his chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not only was he going to run onto the field, he was going to run across the field, jump the outfield fence and get away with it. I couldn't imagine the joy coursing through his head when he got onto the field without incident, made it across the entire outfield without a security guard within 100 feet and was inches from the top of the wall. I am sure he still is not fully aware of what happened as within milliseconds Byrnes came crashing into him full speed, and catching one arm around his waist, body slammed him off the wall, back onto the field. Byrnes was no longer announced in that game as right fielder Eric Byrnes, but instead as right defensive end Eric Byrnes. After the game reporters asked what prompted him to get involved or why he did what he did, and his answer was that no one ever told him he couldn't. Shortly after this incident, MLB amended their rules to forbid players from interacting or getting involved with fans who run onto the field.

     My favorite chapter in Byrnes’ life is the story regarding his retirement from baseball.  While playing for the Seattle Mariners, Eric came to the plate in the bottom of the twelfth inning of a tie ball game with Ichiro Suzuki on third base and only one out. The situation called for a suicide squeeze in which Ichiro would take off for home as soon as the pitcher started his wind up, and Byrnes would then bunt the ball. Bunting and missing is not an option on a suicide squeeze as the runner is already half way home at that point. He didn’t simply bunt and miss though. He got into position to bunt and then decided the pitch location wasn’t great so he pulled the bat back. It is the first and only known case, to me at least, in which a batter didn’t even try to bunt when there was a suicide squeeze on. At this point Ichiro was already half way down the line and with no chance of making it back to third, continued on his way and slid into the waiting tag. I understand Byrnes is wrong in this situation, but there is a point to be made that if Willie Mays Hayes could hurdle Big Bad Jack Parkman in Major League 2, shouldn’t Ichiro have at least attempted it. Either way the interesting part lies neither with the pulled back bunt, nor the way Ichiro handled being tagged out, but rather with the incident that occurred post game. Immediately following the game, reporters lined up outside the Mariners locker room all hoping to get a chance to ask Byrnes about the at bat. Instead, all they got was a vision of Byrnes dodging his general manager while riding his bicycle through the tunnel, out of the stadium and off into the night.

     Byrnes was released by the Mariners two days later, and decided to play slow pitch softball for a bar league. Since he was released, his contract agreement still needed to be fulfilled, and he instantly became the highest paid slow pitch softball player ever. While Seattle only had to pay a few hundred thousand dollars, Arizona who was still on the hook for a majority of his contract had to cut him a check for $11,000,000. To wind this story down, in his first at bat he hit a homerun to left field off of a guy who chose not to draft him over two decades earlier when Byrnes tried out for a 9 year olds traveling baseball team. After retrieving the ball, he presented to his mother who was in the stands watching. I wish I was creative enough to make this up, but believe me, I am not.

     Lately Byrnes has been working as a commentator/reporter for the MLB Network. He is currently reporting almost exclusively on a team throughout spring training. Which team you ask yourself? The Seattle Mariners of course. At least now we no longer have to lose sleep wondering what happened to Spicoli after high school. He got older, played baseball, made a ton of money and has still yet to grow up. We should all be so lucky.